A couple of people have brought to my attention the recent news that Mr. Stephen Dunne has filed a pro se complaint (he's representing himself) challenging his failing score on the most recent Massachusetts bar exam. He failed by 1.1ish points. He says he failed because he refuses to accept gay marriage as valid, and because there was a "question about homosexual marriage and parenting" on the exam.

You might remember me mentioning it when wrote up my thoughts on the exam.

( Here's the question, in its entirety. )

I took this test. In the afternoon part of the exam, there was a question about whether aliens have a right to counsel when they're considered enemy combatants. The answer, by law, is no. I disagree with that. I still wrote the law, I still applied the law to the facts and, y'know what? I passed.

That's just one example of the myriad ways that the law goes against my moral values, but I still take the damn test.

Is this guy standing up for what he believes in?

Uh, sure. He also could have gotten one more multiple choice question right, or written a better Torts essays, or whatever and then this wouldn't even be an issue. When I failed the exam I didn't blame it on the fact that I don't agree with the current trend in eminent domain laws, or that the idea of trusts is so against everything I can conceptualize that I refused to write an essay about it. Or that I'm a teetotaler as a part of my religion and I am morally opposed to alcohol, so the question about wine makers (there was one) violated my First Amendment rights and, oh yeah, the state should pay me lots of money.

Okay, that last part isn't even close to true (since I like alcohol), but I hope one day the idea that gay people can't marry each other seems as ridiculous as saying that you can't drink if you want to.

Anyway, I accepted the fact that I didn't study as hard as I could have, or that I didn't write my essays in an organized way, or that... well, in my case it was just that I didn't study as hard as I could have. One of my friends failed by .8 points. She didn't sue. She took the exam again (along with the New York exam this time) and she passed.

So.

Take that as you want. That's my experience. The law in Massachusetts is that gay people can get married. The Bar Exam tests you on your ability to remember the law and apply it to the facts. It doesn't ask you what you believe in.

There's something really monumental (pun intended) about swearing my three oaths (to the Commonwealth, to the United States, and my Attorney's Oath) in Faneuil Hall. The Clerk of the Supreme Judicial Court gave us a nice speech about the history of the building (she should seriously think about re-writing that wiki entry), the history of our state Constitution and the role it played in the creation of the United States Constitution, and the history of the Attorney's Oath that we swore, which is the oldest in the country.

( The oath. )

Besides the historic, though, there were also the speeches by the Presidents of the Massachusetts Bar Association, the Boston Bar Association, and Associate Justice Ireland (one of whom teaches at Northeastern undergrad, one of whom graduated from Northeastern Law, and one of whom got his PhD in from Northeastern, in that order) about our duty as attorneys to make justice accesible for those less fortunate than us, and to uphold the right of the judiciary to be free from political pressure. That was nice. And it was really cool that all three of these men (yeah, the Clerk pointed out that she's the only woman in three hundred years to hold this position) all had links to my school.

It went quickly. I got a little choked up when they told us to raise our right hand. But I made it through the oaths without being extremely wussy. Then after the Justice's speech, we signed our name to the roll of attorneys. Our names get put in with John Adams and Bobby Kennedy (among others). After that, we received our licenses (my mom gave me mine).

So, as you can see, the real draw of getting sworn in in Massachusetts (for me) is the history. It's really intense to stand in front of a giant painting of Daniel Webster, with the caption "Liberty and Union, now and forever," raise up your hands, and repeat 350 year old words to be admitted to the oldest Court in continuing existence in the Western hemisphere.

And then it was all over. And now I sign my name with an Esquire at the end.

Whoa.

( 'Cause I think it's cool, there's a list of some momentous law-related entries under the cut. )

I'm a lawyer!

Well, I was a lawyer before, sort of.

Now I'm admitted to the Bar!

As soon as I get sworn in. At Fanueil Hall.

Whatever, I passed the exam. The hard part's done.

So very very done!

Last night I had about a dozen different mini-dreams about getting my bar results. Needless to say, I didn't sleep much. I kept waking myself up to keep from freaking out (at the fails) or getting my hopes up too much (at the passes). Word is they were sent out yesterday, which means I could get them today. Or I could get them tomorrow. I wish no one had told me, 'cause maybe I'd have gotten an actual decent night's sleep last night.

I never ever ever ever want to do this again. At least if I pass, I'll be admitted to practice in one state and the pressure will be off about passing another bar, should I decide to. Unless I get a job in another state. Well. Bridges to cross when I come to them.

Saying I never want to do it again is a lot like saying "I'll be right back" in a horror movie. It means I'm sixty seconds from getting hacked apart.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

I feel like I passed. I don't know what that means, but hey. This morning went really well. I think I smoked four of the five essays, and the fifth I has the right idea and good sounding laws and good organization. The afternoon didn't go as well: they tested us on some obscure contracts provision that I didn't study, enemy combatants (wtf!) for Constitutional Law, and trusts, which I have no clue about.

We got the first same sex marriage question (the bar takes awhile to catch up on the law), and it was handled pretty well. It wasn't a Con Law question, it was a regular domestic relations question where the couple happened to be two women. Very well handled, Massachusetts Bar Examiners.

God, I'm tired. My entire body was so tense for the last few days, and now I'm just exhausted. I'm going to sleep well tonight, at least.

It's all over 'til I get the letter, yo.

When next you read me... wait, no... when next I write here, I'll be done!

Feeling slightly optimistic, for no reason because I still don't know Massachusetts law, along with slightly naseous. Woot.

As the saying goes (you know, the saying): here goes something, here comes nothing.

Ow.

Day one, the multistate, multiple choice section went fine. It definitely went better than this summer. I'm hoping that my good feeling translates into an actually decent score, but at least I don't have to worry about it until late April.

My table mate had a gas problem that, while it didn't smell, interrupted my relative quiet every once in awhile. I don't think he noticed, since he was wearing earplugs. Or maybe he did notice (because, uh, expelling gas) and just decided to pretend not to notice. Either way.

About ten minutes before we were supposed to go back in for the afternoon session, I developed a sinus headache. The fact that there was some sort of mic feedback/buzzing filling the room didn't help. But at least they opened the shades, so we got sunlight.

The vibe in the winter is so much nicer than in the summer. Most of us are there because we've done this before (I was suprised by how many people were there from my school), and there are way less of us, and the proctors are way less cranky.

Apparently all the proctors are Bar Examiners. I hope there are Bar Examiners that aren't proctors, because all the proctors were at least in their fifties, which means that they didn't have to sit for the same sort of bar exam. Which is just annoying. An annoying cherry on top of a sundae of annoyingness.

Miscellany:
My new phone came. I think it's shiny and slim and opens two different ways and, therefore, I love it and it shall be my squishy. I wish there was (is? were? wtf word goes there?) a better program than MobileIM out there, though, because MobileIM sort of sucks.

For some reason, a lot of Billie Piper fangirls are really vapid. Or maybe it's just me thinking they're really vapid. And by vapid, I hope we all know that I'm trying to think of the nicest way possible to say "dumb" by using a word that doesn't really mean dumb at all. Or does it. Maybe it's because they're all teenagers, where as I am a cranky twenty-something.

I want some sort of present for finishing the bar exam. But I feel bad buying myself one because I have no money, I've done this before and failed (why should I, therefore, be rewarded the second time around), and... no those were the only two reasons.

I guess I'll buy myself a beer and count that.

For anyone that's been wondering, I am alive. I'm having trouble sleeping and my stomach is bothering me, so that's pretty par for the course of pre-exam jitters. I feel underprepared, and I felt underprepared last time, so that's a bit nerve wracking.

I've done about five times as much work this time, so I'm slightly more attached to passing, but I always feel like such a slacker. There are people who do more work than I do to prepare. And I don't know anything about Massachusetts law, I have no idea how I'm going to write essays about it. I'm really hoping my MBE score will carry me a bit, but who knows. I did a practice MBE last week and got a 129 raw (I'm aiming for a 135 scaled), which is really great. But I can't help but feel that I just got lucky with the questions, because I recognized most of them as ones I'd done before.

Once it's over, on Thursday, I won't worry about it again until late April. And, to be honest, I go pretty Zen during the exam. But for now I'm freaking out.

Tonight I got a confusing property question right and I actually leapt out of my chair and danced.

The answer to the confusing property question was: "Sam's sons have a vested remainder subject to open and total divestment." Which, scarily, makes complete sense to me now. Hence the dancing.

It's frustrating and amusing to note that a vested remainder subject to open and total divestment is, I can safely say, something I will never ever use in the many I years I (hopefully) practice law.

Viva la bar exam.

I had Burger King for dinner and I feel like I'm going to die. I don't know why I had Burger King for dinner (the rest of my day was very low fat, so that's good), other than that I couldn't really stomach - heh - paying $9.00 at Fineagle a Bagel to get a teeny sandwich and a soda (seriously, that's what Bill paid) when I could pay $5.50 and get a giant burger, fries, and a drink. Plus now you can get salads instead of fries. Not that I did, though only because I didn't notice it was an option until I was leaving.

But it was a lot of food. And a lot of grease.

I'm apparently more concerned about money than calories. Not really sure what's going on there. Maybe I just really wanted some fast food to make me feel better about the Rule Against Perpetuties and the different sort of recording statutes. Maybe that's it.

I don't want to study any more.

I feel better prepared than I did at this time over the summer. But still not prepared enough. I just want to pass this damn thing so I can move on to the next stage of avoiding an adult life.

Meanwhile, the best part of today's bomb scare is that these devices sat around for weeks without anyone saying anything. I don't know about you, but I feel safer. I realize that it's easy to say in hindsight that the Boston authorities are insane/dumb/foolish for thinking these little moonite (or... whatever) guys could be bombs, but if I were a terrorist (I am not) I certainly would want my bomb to look like something that's not a bomb.

Clearly it worked, since they sat around for weeks without anyone saying anything.

So much for "if you see something, say something." Which, upon googling, is apparently the safety message of every major city's transit authority.

Anyway. Obviously it was one person who had no idea what the hell this weird thing was calling the police and everything got out of control. No shock there.

The difficulty about learning with other former law students is that we're all Type-A personalities. Well, I'm not so much. I just sit and glare at the stereotypical New England guy that's 5'4" tall and feels it's necessary to make up for that by being the loudest person in the room that always has something to say (even if it's just "uh huh" or "yah" at random moments during the instructor's lesson). Then when I'm done glaring at him I glare at the guy that's looking at everyone like they're stupid. Then I glare at my page, because even though I got the right answer, I hate the process and I just want to be a lawyer already. Or Billie Piper's wife.

Damn, I must be annoying to take a class with.

Congratulations to Kelly (who doesn't read this but, hey, I wanted to commemorate). She's my first friend to pass the bar. Woot.

This may be one of the most tired feelings I've ever felt in my whole life. Or something.

But I'm done.

WOO.

Well. That wasn't so bad. I mean, except for feeling like I wasted the last few months studying not enough about mortgages. And the last few years doing god-knows-what. And the fact that, for the first time in my life, I honestly feel like I've failed an exam. Which makes me wonder what the point of continuing is (around question 120, at about 2:30 this afternoon, I felt a deep sinking in my stomach and realized... "crap, there's no way I can pass.") Except for all of that it wasn't so bad.

Tomorrow's gonna be real fun.

Oh well. Like I've been saying. I'm just going to do it, and not freak out until November. Until then, I'll say that there's a rebuttable presumption that I've passed.

Dinner now. Then more studying. Commercial paper whatnow?

My last entry, about the bar exam, was my 3000th. Hm.

Driving back in from my mom's (where I spent yesterday), "American Pie" came on the radio, and I remember laying on my bed when I was about 11 or 12 and it came on the radio and I just somehow knew the words. I realized later that I'd memorized them somehow, but at the time it seemed really neat to know all the words to this really long song. Even if I didn't know what they meant.

Get the analogy?

Even while the song was playing, I was thinking about the characteristics of a close corporation, and when shareholders can bring derivative suits.

Did you write the book of rock and roll?
Must have owned stock at the time of the action/lack of action, or recieved it through legal operation (divorce or devise) from someone who did.
Do you have faith in rock and roll?
Must fairly and adequately represent the stockholders.


Etc. etc. etc.

In case anyone ever tells you otherwise. This is sick. We all deserve medals or something.

Okay. I feel like I can pass the Multistate ("MBE"). I don't know that I can pass it by a lot, but I can pass it. And if I can remember enough of the MBE to do that, I can probably write 6 decently passing essays. And I have a few days to get better, and to brush up on the Massachusetts specific subjects that'll cover the other 4 essays and the distinctions that'll boost the score of the 6 "big subject" ones.

I still feel like I'm going to throw up, and I still feel like I could fail, but I don't feel like I'm guarenteed to fail anymore. I get worried when I read or hear about other people, and their flashcards and outlines and all of that, and then i just remind myself that that's not how I learn (I learn by seeing things done, by taking practices over and over and over again until I recognize patterns).

Time ticks away and I'm scared and I don't want to do it, but I do it 'cause I have to.

And I don't want to move, and I've had to deal with moving things over the past couple of days because I became in charge of them (somehow), and I have to call the utlities and change the address and find boxes to pack in and I don't want to do any of it, but I do it 'cause I have to.

In August, with the exception of applying for jobs, I'm only doing things 'cause I want to.

I'm also getting a massage.

Okay. This is it. T-minus 10 days and I'm freaking out. I keep doing horribly on practice exams/questions. I obviously haven't retained anything at all. Which, really, makes sense. Since I feel like I've done nothing at all. Serious focus issues. But I always have serious focus issues. This is what people tell me. I texted Kate S., called Nneoma, and called Colleen, because I'm freaking out and needed reassurance... I may call Sully later for some reassurance from PST, and all of those people are wonderful because (except Colleen), they're probably all freaking out, too. Good friends. Thank Jebus for good friends. They tell me it's okay because I always come through in the end, I work better under pressure, and things work out for me. And they know, 'cause they know me.

Great. And like every time when I'm freaking out, I'm not listening. So I'm still freaking out. I feel like I want to go home and climb into my mom's bed and cry and have her tell me that it'll be okay even if I fail (which, logically, it will be) and that I should just do the best I can. The trouble is that I don't know what it's like to do the best I can, and I'll feel like a failure if I fail. Regardless. Life is a lot easier when you just quit everything before you have the opportunity to fail. Somewhere in the past three years I stopped being a quitter and didn't really notice until now. Damnit. Now I'm stuck with failure.


Fear is the mind-killer.

Hahahaha. Four years ago I was taking LSAT prep classes and freaking out about the LSAT. Oh the funniness.

My brain hurts from studying. I don't even feel like I learned anything today. Other than that I hate Property, which we all knew already. I need to just stick to practice questions, supplemented by my notes. That works better. Okay. Everyone who cared raise their hand.

It's nice to see Kate S. again though. We just sort of settled back into our old study habits, and that's sort of exactly why I came out here. [Law geek alert.] We spent forty-five minutes arguing over privity, as it applies to covenants, before we realized that, hey, it actually is as simple as it seems. Though I must've shouted "you need to show horizontal privity, GRR" about fifty times. And drawn about nine hundred diagrams involving various combinations of me, Kate, James, and Ali. That was fun. I sort of which they'd been here to share in the pain.[/Law geek]

I'm going to sleep. No. For real this time.

As usual, Bill Simmons says it better than I can. Except I liked soccer before. But yeah. It's easier to like a sport you've played. Anyway. I think slight advantage goes to Italy, but I'll probably be rooting for France. For no particular reason that makes sense, other than that I like Zidane.

Today I'm going to buy the Doctor Who Series 1 DVD. I had the entire series on my hard drive, but then my hard drive crashed. Plus I want the special stuff. 'Cause I'm a dork. And while I'm there I'm going to check out flat panel monitors. I think I'm going to go single monitor for awhile (I've had two monitors for the last four years) and spend some money on a decent, large flat panel. Grad money that I should save for other things. But whatever. That's after I finish my laundry, and they show the apartment.

And then I'm going to sit down and write out some essays or something. I don't know. I'm feeling despondant. Again. Go figure. At least in a few weeks I'll be done, one way or another.

It's like pulling teeth to get from JP to the World Trade Center. WTF. The trip planner gave me two options: bus to commuter rail (!) to bus, or bus to green line (ew) to silver line (from north station??). WTF.

So we're doing orange to red to silver, and we're just going to see how that works. I have a feeling it'll suck, but we can be late for the practice exam. Not so much for the real thing. Though I'm sure people will be. I still think it'll be faster to get off at Downtown Crossing and walk. And you know if I'm suggesting walking, then it must be a less restrictive alternative (muahaha, Con Law joke! I know Con Law enough to joke about it!).

Is it August yet?

I took a Sam day today. Stayed home from class. Watched TransAmerica. I can catch the class next week when the non-live group does it. I just woke up this morning and felt completely and utterly dejected and gross. I took a shower and it didn't go away. So I decided, what the hell, I'm going to fail the practice MBE on Thursday anyway, I may as well skip Day 2 of Corporations and catch up next week. I think it was the right decision. I'm still in my pajamas, and I feel mildly happy about life. That'll go away soon, of course, but there you go.

The rest of the afternoon'll be in the books, doing practice questions that make me feel like I really ought not consider practicing law. Thanks, Bar Examiners. Thanks.

Okay, I'm not cranky anymore. Actually, I wasn't cranky about an hour after I made that entry. Well, I was. And I am. It's pretty on-again, off-again. Fact specific, if you will. Generally I'm a cheerful person, though, so I tend to default to that. Even if it's cheerfulness laced with blech. You know.

I decided not to do any practice questions today, because practice questions make me feel bad about myself. I'll do some tomorrow while I'm waiting for the cable guy to come (to tell me that the company will be charing me because there's nothing wrong with the cable, even though there's something wrong with the cable it just doesn't show up when the cable guy is here). So instead I outlined. And stared at my screen. And outlined. And played Tetris. And outlined. And wrote some more of that story I like that I started last winter but never finished because I didn't know where to go with it. And outlined.

So while I was outlining I was reading about Tenancies by the Entirety (uh, I fell behind on Property, Monica, sorry), which are property thingies that exist to protect married interests or something, and we're reading the multistate rules, which say that it has to be created for a husband and wife (with a right of survivorship, of course). And even when we were given the "Massachusetts distinction," the law specific to creation in Mass., the teacher still used "husband and wife". That's when I realized that, hey, I live in a state where protecting married interests doesn't necessesarily involve a husband. Or a wife. So what the hell do we do in Massachusetts? And then I realized that 1) this is so extremely irrelevant to the Bar exam that I'm wasting my neurons considering it [1)a) I think I figured out a way around it, anyway, since you need express language to create one in Massachusetts and you can just use their names and say spouse, and then it's clear regardless of gender] and 2) my state rocks. Civil unions are the same thing my ass. Not that Tenancies in the Entirety are used a lot (only 21 states even recognized them), but that just goes to point one of my second realization. Point two still stands. Even if just for the fact that this is something worth considering, regardless of the reality of the situation.

And, wow there are way more important things to be doing with my time. But who knew real property could actually be interesting?

I've decided I'm going to be cranky for a day or two. I mean, I feel like it's time. I'm tired because I haven't been sleeping well. I keep doing badly on the practice questions for the Bar (really really badly), and when people ask me questions about the Anti-Lapse statute I stare blankly before replying with the correct answers... for an Ademption by Extinction problem. BLAH. I don't even know the Constitution. I mean, I do, but I can't tell you the difference between Privileges and Immunites from the 5th Amendment and Privileges and Immunities from the 14th. There's time. There's a month. Etc. etc.

So, anyway. Tired + dumb = cranky.

I got about eight hours of sleep last night and, though not all of it was restful sleep, I'm still exhausted today. Seriously, this is uncool. Bar review sucks.

One of the suggestions from the essay maximizer course, which I'm sure I'm not allowed to repeat for fear of violating some sort of inane copyright (though it's a process... wouldn't that be patent?) BarBri has on bar preparation, is to read the answers to the essays first, try to memorize them, and then go back to it a little later and try to spew it back onto the page. Considering that the majority of my higher education has consisted of teachers telling me not to vomit back things I learn, in favor of thinking and analyzing, this is pretty frustrating for me. And this all the bar exam consists of: spewing back things you memorize.

Then again, we've been warned that the bar exam has nothing to do with law school. Sort of like the practice of law has very little to do with law school (unless you're heavily involved in clinical or internship programs). Then again again, son of a bitch.

It's really a good thing I never got into any particular study habits at all. I did, however, mock the vomiters from my seat in the back of the class room. If I had a dollar for every time a teacher told me "there's no right or wrong answer, I just want you to show you have thought about it..." I'd be up about fifty dollars. I could buy a new video game, and melt my much-needed brain cells in order to achieve the brain function of a simple machine that recieves input and outputs it right back again in a printed version. I think it's called a word processor. That's me, the two-legged word processor that's going to practice law (if I pass).

Well. No matter what they take from me, they can't take away my dignity. I wonder if Whitney Houston needs a lawyer...

There is a ridiculously obnoxious guy from New England Law in my bar review class. I want him to get laryngitis or something. He's one of those people that YELLS EVEN WHEN YOU'RE SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO HIM, and he also strikes me as one of those people that thinks he's the center of the universe. Like me, but in a bad way.

I think I'm being extra judgmental today because of the four hours of sleep. Though, really, I haven't liked this guy since day one.

Our Professor today is dry and going directly off his outline. I may cry.

I can't tell if the AV girl (woman... just to be not a jerk that calls everyone a girl) keeps looking at me or not. I keep looking at her, clearly. She's probably looking past me. Obviously I find her attractive or I wouldn't care.

Obviously I'm rambling like a lunatic. I think I'm going to put my head down and take a nap for the remaining five minutes of the break.

Class today wasn't bad. I feel like I have a decent concept of Wills. Trusts is an entirely different animal, and I'm reading through the review going "wtf?" every ten seconds. And then re-reading, shaking my head, and thinking I'm going to fail. I need a day of Criminal Law or Procedure to make me feel better. Alas.

I'm driving to Staten Island on Sunday for a wedding, and officially have no one to go with (three seperate people said they could go and then backed out). It's not the driving that'll bother me - I'll get an iPod-to-radio thing, and enjoy my alone time. It's the sitting at a wedding, and a reception, full of people I don't know. Except the bride and groom. And one guest. That'll suck. I mean, I'm personable, but I won't be drinking (what with driving) and yeah. Suckage. But I said I'd go, and not for no reason, and so I'll go. Can't really back out of a wedding once you've RSVPed.

Also the realtor is coming tomorrow to take pictures of the apartment, and Jack keeps saying it looks terrible, and I'm all "huh?" 'cause I think it's fine. I mean, not great... there are bar prep materials (Jack's... mine are neatly on a book shelf, which is weird) on the dining room table, and the pantry is a disaster, but other than that it's really fine. I don't think a digital camera's going to pick up the microscopic mess particles that Jack's well-trained eyes get.

I've got two room mates for next year, but no apartment. Want to stay in the general vicinity of "somewhere around Green or Stonybrook, Centre St. side." which will hopefully be doable. I love my current apartment, but I think it'll be a squeeze for three people (though it is a three bedroom, two of them are smallerish) and I just feel as though it'll be time to go. It's my law school apartment. And it wouldn't be the same without Jack.

And it's midnight and I"ve gone and gotten distracted. This is why I can't study at home. Sigh.

Oh, wow, Bar prep is going to suck. Just finished reading the "mini review" for Wills. Took about an hour and a half. That wasn't even the full outline. Just the mini review. And I remember Wills better than I remember, say, Trusts. Or Corporations. Or... it's going to be a long summer.

Was a grown up today and decided to stay in Boston in August. Will get a part time job in doc review, if necessary. Will call people on Tuesday about State House. Will find lamp and rub, hoping for three wishes (season tickets to the Sox, a job I love, and Natalie Portman).

Clearly, I've lost the ability to write in complete sentences. I've also been using "clearly" a lot. Problematic.

Going to sleep now.